…. but good lord I don’t like snowboarding! I bought a pair of snowboarding boots a few weeks ago in preparation for our trip to Chamonix in February & Ryan took me to the snow dome last Thursday to try them out ~ much to his utter joy I might add. He was beside himself with excitement at the thought of me in snowboard boots, on snow. I wasn’t. This is how it went.
I got on the lift to take you to the top of the slope. Now apparently, for any other human being with 4 fully functioning limbs, this task is simple. For me, it’s more like an exercise in utter humiliation & degradation. First time, within 5 seconds I was face down in the snow being dragged up a ‘mountain’ with Ryan yelling ’stand up! Stand up!’. Now for those that know me well, I don’t need to tell you the profanities that came out of my mouth. For those that don’t know me well ~ you’re lucky. Second time up the lift, I was encouraged by the fact that I made it up further that time ~ on my face ~ oh what sweet joy. Not. The third & final time of being dragged face down & humiliated, all I remember was yelling at Ryan that he could stick his board up his mountain & storming off down the slope, with my board tucked safely under my arm.
When I had finally calmed down, Ryan convinced me that I shouldn’t let it get the better of me & that I should give it another shot. I compromised with the fact that I would walk up the ‘mountain’ & attempt to snowboard down. This is how that went.
First time, I fell backwards, banging my head on solid ice. Nice. Second time I lost control & went careering down the slope, while Ryan raced past me & courageously threw himself in my path to stop me. Imagine an out of control bus flying down a hill & the Keanu Reeves character jumps on board & saves the day …. that’s almost how it looked only Ryan got flattened underneath me. At least he stopped me from maiming anymore innocent by standers though ~ every cloud has a silver lining I suppose. The third time I tried to make my way down, saw me fall on my back with a loud & painful thud. That is where my snowboarding lesson (& almost my relationship with Ryan) ended.
I hate being cold. I hate being wet. I hate falling over & I hate being so bad at something that I want to tear my own arms off in order to hit the people that smarmily say ‘you were doing so well then before you fell over’.
I have foolishly agreed that I will take another lesson, although this time I will be taught by a professional, more for Ryan’s physical well being & the preservation of our relationship than the fact that Ryan’s a bad teacher. He’s not, I’m just a very unruley & useless student.
Bring on Chamonix!!